GENDER HUB WEDNESDAY
By Denisia Adams
WORD OF THE DAY
raffish
1. Cheaply or showily vulgar in appearance or nature; tawdry.
2. Characterized by a carefree or fun-loving unconventionality; rakish.
SA TRIVIA QUESTION
What town in South Africa is known as the heart of the sunshine city. It lies midway between Port Elizabeth and East London on the Kowie River.
A – Port Alfred B – Elizabeth Port C – doesn’t exist
Answer: A – Port Alfred
DID YOU KNOW (www.didyouknow.org)
According to researchers, people who eat a Mediterranean-style diet rich in fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, and fish are less likely to develop depression. Participants in a recent study who most closely followed a Mediterranean diet enjoyed a more than 30% reduction in the risk of depression compared to those who veered most from the Mediterranean style of eating. Some speculate that such a diet could provide mental health benefits by improving blood vessel function, fighting inflammation, and repairing oxygen-related cell damage—physical changes that can reduce the risk of developing depression.
TIP OF THE DAY (www.wikihow.com)
How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship
This article mostly assumes there are no children - parental rights must be maintained unless it is dangerous to the children.
Don't beat yourself up or consider yourself foolish. In recognizing your partner as controlling and manipulative, you must also recognize this: Though they can at first be charming, controlling and manipulative people are the unfortunate product of a high, incisive intellect and low self esteem. They are intelligent, usually charismatic people who, at first blush, seem to be confident, charming and together. It's no wonder you found him or her attractive.
Admit your weakness. Many times, though your partner is controlling and/or manipulative (which is wrong), that partner is exploiting your own weaknesses (which enables the controlling/manipulative behaviors). Though both of you are in the wrong, if you are to avoid the same problems in the future, you will need to address your own insecurities about abandonment, loneliness, and/or your tendencies to wish to "rescue" or by virtue of your love alone, "repair" whatever damage you perceive in others. However, no matter who is most responsible, this situation needs to end. Work out your issues on your own, after separating from this relationship.
Get to the point and don't try to cushion the blow or beat around the bush. Your first instinct is to do it in person (not always advisable, but the honorable first choice) and try to hurt your partner as little as possible, but this may only result in prolonging his/her agony - and yours. Come right out and declare your decision frankly, without hostility or cruelty. S/he will likely be stunned and/or shocked, and may question, attempt to bargain, cry, or become enraged - all are possible reactions. Be prepared for anything.
Be decisive and don't fall for promises to change. Once you have identified your relationship as toxic to your individuality and future, you must take decisive steps. Wishy-washy, weak attempts to leave will be steamrolled, and you will be overrun by the will of your partner. Talking things over with your partner will not be likely to help.
Leave at once. Having made your decision, waste no time. Notice, this is something like the third time the exhortation to leave is made. That's because it's so hard to leave - particularly if you decided a face-to-face farewell was necessary. You feel guilty, you may still love your partner, you don't want to hurt him/her. But you really must go. Your caring response instills hope that control can be re-established, and so feeds the obsession with getting you back. No matter how hard it is, turn your back on him/her, ignore the begging, sobbing, threatening and yelling, and put some steel in your back. Walk out the door. Shut it behind you.
Stay away. Don't accept phone calls, answer emails, IMs or text messages from him/her. Doing so will only create hope. It's likely to end in an unholy debacle, and things will be worse than ever - you won't just have an angry, upset ex - you'll likely end up with a shrieking harpy freaking out and screeching for your blood. Remember again: this is a controlling, manipulative person who will say anything to win, and that is all this contact will be about. Once you have broken away, stay away. Having dinner alone with him/her, "just to talk" or "for the kids' sake" will destroy your resolve, and will also give your controlling ex the power s/he seeks again. Cut it clean, and let it go.
Avoid mutual friends who are still in contact with your ex for some time after the breakup. The last thing you need is the passing, even inadvertently, of fuel into the fire in the weeks and months after the end of the affair. If you can't avoid contact with these friends, keep your remarks to them carefully neutral, and don't share details of the breakup, your feelings, or your insights on your ex with them - you can almost be assured these remarks will find their way back to your ex, and that will not be a good thing.
Remain detached. In order to reassert control, your ex will look for signs that you are receptive to crying, begging, threats of self-harm, etc. If you simply do not react, you will give no fuel to your ex's belief that s/he can win you back, and it will be truly over much sooner. S/he will cry, rage, rant, become hysterical if you allow him/her to. Being compassionate and trying to comfort or spare your ex further pain will only make it more difficult to break away. Every minute that you stay, talk, commiserate, apologize, or otherwise play along is a win for your ex, because s/he knows you feel helpless to leave him/her in such an awful state.
WE ALSO FEATURED:
Regina Booysen from a community based organisation in the Cape Flats called CASE. She joined us to speak about the organisations annual camp for young girls entering the world of high school called The Girl Power Camp. Ten Girls are selected from various schools in the area to participate the girls selected are changed every year. At the camp which takes place over a weekend counselors and leaders are made available and on the first day they try and assist the young girls discover who they are. Day Two consist of life skill programmes and fun obstacle courses and games and finally Sunday is evaluation day. To find out more contact 021 691 70 66.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Helen Keller
The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.
That’s it for the Morning Cruise, where we cruise through your weekday here on BushRadio 89.5fm live on your stereo between 9am – 12pm with me Denisia Adams. Take Care ... make the best of your day and Keep the Faith. Stay Real!!!!!!!!!!
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