COMMUNITY BUZZ THURSDAY
By Denisia Adams
WORD OF THE DAY
1. Skillful in the use of the hands.
2. Having mental skill or ability.
SA TRIVIA QUESTION
Which is the fourth oldest town in South Africa?
A – Johannesburg B – Ghost Town C – Graaff Reinet
Answer: C – Graaff Reinet
DID YOU KNOW (www.didyouknow.org)
Nessie, the Loch Ness monster is protected by the 1912 Protection of Animals Acts of Scotland. With good reason - Nessie is worth $40 million annually to Scottish tourism. ALSO DID YOU KNOW Of the more than $50 billion worth of diet products sold every year, almost $20 billion are spent on imitation fats and sugar substitutes.
TIP OF THE DAY
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Do you habitually give in to other people because you just can't stand the thought of upsetting them? Do you put your needs to one side because you get a buzz from someone else's happiness, only to find that he or she is not a bit grateful? If so, you are a classic "people pleaser," and you are, in all probability, not getting what you want out of life. It's time to shift the focus from others to yourself, and stop being a martyr.
1. Think of five times when you did or said something that did not truly reflect your wants and needs, in order to please someone else. Write them down. For each of these occasions, imagine how you would have handled it differently - to please yourself! What is the worst that could have happened? Write down your worst fears.
2. Look at your fears. Are they realistic? Are they truly terrible? You might be afraid that no one will like you, that someone will leave you, or that you will be left all alone if you don't say the right thing. That is a prison you have trapped yourself in, and it's time to unlock the doors and walk out! The people around you may be used to your compliance, but if they're not willing to accept that you have your own needs, are they really worth having in your life?
3. Examine your ability to set limits on others. Examine your boundaries. Where are they? What is acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable? Do you tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the abnormal? Accept the unacceptable? Do you know what it feels like to be treated with dignity and respect? Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.
4. Consider the source. Many people pleasers were raised in environments wherein their needs and feelings were pushed aside/not considered. Were you always expected to anticipate, and to mold yourself to, everyone else's needs? Did you learn that the only way to receive a positive response was to do what others wanted you to do? If so, here's a newsflash: Not all the world wants a pushover. By focusing on pleasing others, you open yourself up to manipulation and abuse. You will never reach your potential as an individual if you constantly hide behind others' expectations.
5. Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people. It's noble to want to help others, but it's something you should do because you want to, not because you feel you have to. The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice, not out of fear or guilt. If you're doing things for others because you would feel bad if you didn't, is the action really genuine? Would you want others to help you under those terms? And, if you're helping others to such an extent that you are neglecting yourself, is that really wise?
6. Learn how to say "no." Don't make up excuses - give your reasons for not wanting something. So your husband wants his entire family to come to Christmas dinner, and you just can't face it? "I'm sorry darling, I find the pressure of entertaining such a large number of people intolerable." Your best friend wants you to go with her or him to a party that will be full of people that you can't stand? "No thank you, it's just not my scene." Start small - find something small to say "no" to, but say it firmly. Say it politely, but mean it! You'll be surprised; the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense, and those that do aren't worth pleasing.
7. Ask for what you want. If everybody's going to the movies, and most people in the group want to see a particular movie, but you'd rather watch something else, speak up! There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand. Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward. Even asking someone to help you do something will help.
Ultimately, you must remember that no one can read your mind. If you feel that you do so much for others, but they don't do anything for you, maybe it's because you don't express your needs or desires. It's not fair to make people pry an answer from you. If they ask you what you want, or if there's a decision being made, put in your opinion, and let that be that.
8. Do something for yourself. Do one thing you have been wanting to do, but are afraid someone else will not like. Dye your hair, get that new look, have a treat that you enjoy, go on holiday....whatever you do, do it for yourself, and practice not worrying what anyone else thinks about it. Don't get caught up in doing things just because no one else wants you to do them. Remember that there ought to be things that you truly want to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks, not in spite of it. Other people's opinions are a factor in our lives, but they should not be the determining factor.
9. Compromise. While it's not good to be a pushover, it's no better to be a manipulative bully or a reckless rebel. Don't become totally selfish. In fact, many people pleasers have low self-esteem. So do those who are selfish. It is best to develop good self-care skills, which include healthy assertiveness skills. You can listen to others, but ultimately, what you do is your choice. Keep a balance! Sometimes the needs of other people should come first. Whenever there's a conflict of desires, try to come up with a solution that will meet both desires halfway, or better yet, a "win-win" situation where both sides get even more than they bargained for.
WE ALSO FEATURED:
Joe Barrens chairperson of the Helderberg Residents Association. He joined us to speak about the pivotal role an association like theirs plays in a community such as Helderberg. Joe says one of the biggest problems facing the community is basic employment, skills and resources. The members of the association have been in communication with government who according to Mr Barrens is excited to partake in the future developments. Mr Barrens says one of the Helderberg’s biggest disadvantages is due to the fact that it is not opened to the N2 which makes it difficult to be seen. Helderberg has a rich history which is not recognised and with the right exposure will open doors for developments and essentially, employment. To find out more contact +27 21 857 36 34
Lastly we were joined by Francisco Tejada from the Dumisani Project Centre. It provides a platform for aspiring musicians and vocalist to get professional training at a minimal cost. The centre also gives the members an opportunity to showcase their skills in various concerts performed throughout the year. To find out more contact the centre on +27 21 391 28 6o/h
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
That’s it for the Morning Cruise, where we cruise through your weekday here on BushRadio 89.5fm live on your stereo between 9am – 12pm with me Denisia Adams. Take Care ... make the best of your day and Keep the Faith. Stay Real!!!!!!!!!!