Understanding Childhood Grief and the Importance of Support

 Understanding Childhood Grief and the Importance of Support

Understanding Childhood Grief: Giving Children Space to Feel, Heal and Be Heard

Grief is often seen as something adults experience, but children and young people grieve too. The difference is that they may not always have the words to explain what they are feeling. Instead, their grief can show up through their behaviour, emotions, relationships and even their performance at school.

On Morning Cruise, we had an important and heartfelt conversation with Lira Greeff, Programme Manager at Khululeka Grief Support, ahead of National Grief Awareness Day. The discussion focused on childhood grief, the challenges faced by children after losing someone they love, and how parents, teachers and communities can provide meaningful support.

Children Grieve Too Even When They Don't Say It

One of the key messages from the conversation was that behaviour is communication.

A grieving child may become withdrawn, angry, unusually social, physically unwell or struggle to concentrate. Some children may experience difficulties at school or appear to be behaving badly when, in reality, they are overwhelmed by emotions they don't yet know how to process.

Adults may expect children to grieve in a particular way, but there is no single "correct" way to grieve.

Children also understand death differently depending on their age and previous experiences. Younger children, for example, may struggle to understand the permanence of death. This is why adults need to respond in an age-appropriate way and create an environment where children feel safe enough to ask questions and express their emotions.

When Grief Goes Unprocessed

When children don't have the opportunity, space or support to process grief, the effects can extend into many areas of their lives.

They may struggle academically, have difficulty concentrating, experience behavioural challenges or make decisions that put them at risk.

The conversation highlighted the importance of giving children a safe space to talk about their loss. Programmes such as the Abangani programme aim to help children work through grief, understand their emotions and recognise that life can continue after loss.

Perhaps one of the most important messages for children is simple: It is okay not to be okay.

Every Child Needs a Trusted Adult Parents, teachers and caregivers all have an important role to play in helping children through grief.

A child doesn't necessarily need an adult to have all the answers. Sometimes, what matters most is having someone who will listen, acknowledge their feelings and allow them to speak without judgement.

As Lila explained during the interview, every child should have at least one trusted adult who acknowledges their feelings.

That support can make an enormous difference, particularly when a child feels that there is nobody at home they can talk to about their loss. Schools Have an Important Role

Children spend a significant part of their lives at school, making schools an important place for identifying and supporting learners experiencing grief.

The discussion highlighted the value of school-based support systems, including wellness hubs and collaboration between teachers, social workers and organisations providing therapeutic services.

Importantly, supporting a grieving child shouldn't happen in isolation. Teachers and other adults in the school community may also be carrying their own unresolved grief and experiences of loss.

Supporting the whole school community can therefore help create a safer and more understanding environment for children. Breaking the Silence Around Death and Grief. Why is it sometimes so difficult for adults to talk to children about death?

One reason is that adults may be struggling with their own grief. Conversations about death can make us feel vulnerable, and many adults worry that showing emotion will make them appear weak.

Cultural beliefs and traditions can also influence how families talk about difficult subjects with children.

But avoiding the conversation doesn't mean children aren't experiencing the loss.

Children feel grief even when they cannot express it in the way adults expect.

National Grief Awareness Day provides an opportunity to change that by encouraging families, schools and communities to speak more openly about grief and emotional wellbeing.

Grief Doesn't Follow a Timetable. There is no fixed timetable for grief.

It can come in waves. Someone may feel okay one day and struggle again the next. Anniversaries, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and other significant occasions can bring difficult feelings back to the surface.

That doesn't mean someone is "going backwards". It is simply part of the grieving process.The same applies to children.

Adults should allow children to experience grief in their own way rather than rushing them to "move on" or "get over it".

A Child Can Grieve and Still Carry On. One powerful example shared during the conversation illustrated how differently children can respond to death.

After a mother dies, a child may attend the funeral and witness the sadness around them, but later ask something as ordinary as, "Who's going to take me to school?" That question doesn't mean the child isn't grieving.

It may simply mean that the child's mind is trying to understand what happens next and how everyday life will continue without the person who used to be there. Children can experience profound grief while still playing, laughing, going to school and asking everyday questions.

The Message for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers .The biggest takeaway from our Morning Cruise conversation is that grief is a natural emotional response to loss.

We don't need to rush children through it. We need to listen, be patient and create space for them to express what they are experiencing. Most importantly, adults should not assume that a child isn't grieving simply because they aren't crying or talking about the person they've lost.

Sometimes grief is expressed through behaviour.Sometimes it is expressed through silence.

And sometimes, children simply need an adult who will sit with them and say: "It's okay to feel what you're feeling." Let's Keep the Conversation Going.

As National Grief Awareness Day approaches, the invitation is for all of us to start talking more openly about grief  including with children.

Let's remind young people that their feelings matter, that they don't have to face loss alone, and that asking for help is a sign of strength.

Thank you to Lira Greeff and Khuluka Grief Support for joining Morning Cruise and for the important work being done to support children, families, schools and communities through grief.

Listen to Morning Cruise for more conversations that matter.

Written by Dané Van Rhyn